You Get What you Receive

“I’ve been told that I need to stop treating conversations like fishing.”

“Like fishing?”

“Apparently, it looks like I’m waiting to hook a fish in conversation.” Brian acted out casting a line. “People can tell if I think their comment isn’t worth reeling in.”

The room laughed. They knew exactly what he meant. They’d all seen it in him.

We’re in a coaching group of senior leaders, who are reflecting on their 360 feedback.

“So, does that bother you?” asked another person in the group.

“Well, it means I’m forcing people to think carefully about how to contribute to team conversations. I don’t mind if that stops people talking without giving it some thought.”

"True. But doesn’t it also mean you’re only getting what you’re receiving?”  

Everyone stopped, taking a moment to process what that meant. 

“What does that mean to you, Brian?” I asked.

“That I’m so focused on what I want from a conversation, I don’t listen for the stuff others want to share. Which I guess means they eventually stop sharing it.”

_______

It’s a familiar story. ‘Brian’ could be anyone.

What might others be withholding in your conversations  - not because they don’t have it, but because you don’t seem to be receiving it? 

A few things that help close the gap:

Treat every contribution like a gift. Even a simple “Thanks, that’s helpful” or “I hadn’t thought of that” goes a long way.

Let your body do the listening. Your face is a billboard - use it to show curiosity, not judgment.

Don’t tidy up someone else’s thinking. “I think what you’re trying to say is…” can feel patronising, even if well-intended.

Avoid selectively endorsing the usual suspects. “My thoughts exactly!” shuts down the rest of the room.

Actively invite range. “What other angles haven’t we heard yet?” signals genuine appetite for diversity of thought.

Slow it all down. Make friends with the awkward silence. Give people space to catch up, form a thought, or find the courage to speak.

Because when you create a space that truly receives, people fill it.

Until next time...
Simon