If you’re facilitating a meeting or any kind of group conversation, here’s a goal to work towards: become invisible.

In other words, make it your job to spark the conversation, then get out of the way. What’s the lightest touch you can apply to help the group move forward?

That’s very different from the kind of facilitation many people experience - where the facilitator is the energy, rather than the energiser. Where their presence is so strong it gets in the way of meaningful dialogue.

Instead of drawing out insight, they deliver it. 

Instead of creating energy in the group, they channel it toward themselves.

Instead of creating space, they fill it.

There’s a real difference between guiding a conversation and controlling it.

When a facilitator starts doing most of the talking, most of the thinking, or most of the decision-making, the room becomes passive. People disengage, even if they’re still participating.

Multiple slides, complex frameworks, over-explained processes… these are all ways of imposing your will on a room. Which might be okay if it’s a presentation, but not if your job is to facilitate.

Real facilitation is about creating the conditions for others to step forward. It’s an act of restraint, trust, and attentiveness.

Let me come clean. I am a touch paranoid about being the facilitator who talked too much. In reality, facilitators often end up ‘hogging’ the spotlight not because they’re divas, but because they are trying to serve the room. But good intention doesn’t mean good impact. 

Here are a few signs you might be taking up too much space, and then some suggestions for what you can do to avoid it happening:  

• The group looks to you for the “right” answer 
• You’re summarising everything
• The energy rises when you speak, but drops when you stop
• You leave the session saying to yourself, I was on fire today!  
• You got great feedback, but the group isn’t taking anything forward on their own

So what to do? 

Being invisible doesn’t mean being absent. It means being purposefully light. It means resisting the urge to fill the space or solve the problem. It means shifting from holding the spotlight to holding the space. 

Here are five small actions that make a big difference:

Open with contribution, not context.
Instead of kicking off with a long intro, start with a question. Let the group get talking and moving early.

Clearly define your role.
Be explicit that you’re there to help guide their conversation - that the meeting and the outputs are theirs, not yours.

Let the group lead the outputs.
Invite participants to write, draw, share, summarise - in their words, not yours.

Get comfortable with pause.
Silence creates thinking space. Don’t rush to fill it.

Ask them to wrap up.
End with: “What are you walking away with?” instead of delivering the final summary.

Design for what happens without you.
Offer structures and rituals the team can carry forward, not ones that rely on your presence.

And just to be clear: this isn’t just for professional facilitators. It applies just as much to leaders running team conversations, strategy sessions, or planning days. If you’re guiding the conversation, you’re facilitating.

So here’s a little test I’ve started using:

If I stepped out for an hour, or even the rest of the day, could the group finish well without me?

If the answer is yes, I’m probably doing my job.

Until next time!
Simon 

_________________

I'm currently helping my clients in 3 key ways: 

• Facilitating the conversations that matter most in leadership teams
• Designing meaningful leadership development programs for experienced leaders
• Helping teams and organisations crack the collaboration code

If any of those are on your radar right now, drop me a line - I'd love to chat.